FATHER’S DAY | ‘I know a man’s love’: how a devoted dad helped shape his daughter’s view of life

Nearly a decade ago, City of Tshwane spokesperson Selby Bokaba opened up about the realities of raising his daughters, Maikano and Molemo Bokaba, as a single father.

Back then, his life revolved around school lunches, polished shoes, hair appointments and early-morning wake-up calls. He spoke candidly about trading nights out with friends for the responsibilities of parenthood and about his belief that “girl children need their fathers”.

Today, Maikano is almost 25, has completed a degree, is studying towards a BCom Honours in Economics, and is building her career. And the lesson her father hoped she would learn all those years ago has stayed with her.

“I know a man’s love. I grew up with it. I still experience it from my father,” she said. “I can sense when something isn’t right. This isn’t what I know. I know a man’s love, and when it is not.”

Soft-spoken and naturally reserved, Maikano does not say much. But when she speaks about her father, there is no mistaking the admiration in her voice.

For Bokaba, hearing those words is a reminder of why he fought so hard to be present in his daughters’ lives.

Bokaba recalls that asking Maikano’s mother to allow their daughter to come and live with him was one of the most important decisions of his life. At the time, he was looking for stability and purpose. “It gave me direction, it gave me stability, it gave me a sense of responsibility,” he said.

His days quickly became structured around his daughter’s needs. He made sure she never missed school, prepared lunches, polished shoes and handled all the little things that often go unnoticed. Today those responsibilities have evolved, but his commitment has not.

Looking back, he describes fatherhood as a journey of growth.

“It’s been a learning curve because a child grows from being a child to being a young adult and you have to transition with that,” he said. “Maikano taught me to be a father. I became a good father because she was a good child.”

Watching her graduate remains one of the proudest moments of his life. “Seeing her name being called out at a graduation hall, that for me was the crowning glory,” said Bokaba.

In his 2017 interview with City Press, Bokaba said one of his goals was to ensure his daughter knew what love, respect and care from a man should look like. Today Maikano believes that lesson shaped the way she navigates life and relationships. Growing up surrounded by a loving father, grandfather, uncles and brothers gave her a clear understanding of how she should be treated, she said.

“All the male figures in my life have always given me so much love that I definitely know when something isn’t right,” she said.

She credits her father for teaching her discipline and hard work.

One memory that still stands out is the morning he left her behind after repeatedly warning her about being late.

“He kept saying one day I’ll leave you behind, and it actually happened,” she said with a laugh. “I honestly believe it’s the reason why today I’m able to wake up at 4.30am every day.”

She said she often looks at the way her father has conducted himself both professionally and personally as a guide for her own life.

“I’ve always admired how he is dedicated in his professional life and in his personal life,” she said.

Today Bokaba’s family looks different from the one he spoke about nine years ago. He remarried four years ago and said his wife, Glenda, embraced both his daughters from the beginning.

However, he made one thing clear from the start. “The deal maker or the deal breaker in the relationship is my children,” he said. “My kids are No 2. You must know that I love my children and I don’t compromise on my children.”

He said while his wife provides support and warmth, he never wanted to hand over his responsibilities as a father. “I did not abdicate my responsibility as a father because now I have my wife,” he said.

The family also includes his youngest daughter, Molemo, who is autistic.

Bokaba speaks with equal pride about her progress, describing the joy of watching her develop from a child who was non-verbal into a teenager who can express herself and communicate her needs. The experience, he said, taught him patience and helped him become more understanding of others.

Despite the years passing and his daughters becoming more independent, Bokaba admits he still worries. If Maikano is late getting home or does not answer her phone, he immediately becomes concerned.

“You don’t live your life by yourself. You live your life thinking of the child,” he said.

He said fatherhood taught him a different kind of love. “Ordinary love is different from the love of a child you have fathered,” he said.

It is a love that shaped his choices, grounded him and gave his life purpose.

“Had it not been for my children, I don’t think I would be as disciplined as I am today,” he said. “You want to be a father figure, you want to be a role model, you want your kids to look up to you.”

As Father’s Day approaches, Bokaba’s message to fathers remains simple: be present. He knows first-hand the impact a father can have on a daughter’s life.

For Maikano, that impact can be summed up in a few simple words. “I know a man’s love,” she said. “I grew up with it.”