HOGARTH | Tea-ed off about Cupcake claim

Struggle of memory against forgetting

A few weeks ago, shortly after meeting and shaking hands with President Cyril Ramaphosa at a party hosted by King Mswati in eSwatini, former president Jacob Zuma jokingly told his MK Party supporters at a rally that he would soon be having tea with McBuffalo, his sworn political enemy.

One journalist must have taken the Nkandla Crooner’s statement seriously because, at an MKP press conference that had nothing to do with Cupcake, the reporter sincerely asked if the two men had set up an appointment yet.

But Msholozi had long forgotten what he said at the rally and took offence at the notion he should be meeting the man who ended his tenure as head of state.

“What’s so special about Ramaphosa [for me to meet him]? I know Ramaphosa from when he was still a boy. I am older than him. I don’t know why you don’t ask about serious issues, [but] you ask me about Ramaphosa … that he must meet Zuma. No, if you want to talk to Ramaphosa, go to him, and if you want to talk to Zuma, come to me. Do not put us together,” protested Zuma.

No-one in Zuma’s MKP entourage was brave enough to remind their boss that he was the one who started the rumour of a possible meeting in the first place.

Cupcake gets a kortbroek

The Nkandla Crooner did, however, remember the eSwatini meeting, albeit with a bit of spice: “I have no problem with Ramaphosa. We bump into each other and share a laugh. We were in eSwatini recently. It was very nice, and he was happy. He became very happy [to meet me], and so I said, ‘Very good, my boy.’”

Strange show of gratitude

Earlier at the same press conference, Baba kaDuduzane sat stony-faced as the party’s secretary-general, Sibonelo Nomvalo, announced they had expelled Duduzane’s twin sister, Duduzile Sambudla-Zuma, as a party member.

Among those angered by the MKP’s decision to expel Dudu was Carl Niehaus, the EFF MP who used to be among the Nkandla Crooner’s greatest praise singers

Among those angered by the MKP’s decision to expel Dudu was Carl Niehaus, the EFF MP who used to be among the Nkandla Crooner’s greatest praise singers.

Mpangazitha, as Niehaus is known in the province with a surname, took to social media to post an old newspaper article about the role Dudu had played in saving her father from a rape charge in 2005. Dudu’s testimony at the trial was said to have been crucial in the court acquitting her father. Accompanying the article was the following statement from Niehaus: “#JacobZuma you have one hell of a way to say thank you … ”

Nkandla merry-go-round

Hogarth, however, thinks Niehaus should worry not. After all, more than a month ago Msholozi sat through a long press conference in which former party spokesperson Nhlamulo Ndhlela was announcing fundamental changes to the way the party operated. He was again stony-faced as Ndhlela announced what amounted to a leadership coup. A few days later, Baba kaDuduzane was at another party presser announcing that Ndhlela had been removed for the statements he had made at the previous one.

Niehaus should just chill because it is very possible that, in a few days from now, Dudu will be back in daddy dearest’s good books and Nomvalo will have joined the ever-growing list of former secretaries-general of the young party.

Mamparallellogram

KwaZulu-Natal Hawks boss Gen Lesetja Senona was back at the Madlanga commission this week. This time he brought along advocate Dali Mpofu as part of his defence team. Mpofu’s presence, however, didn’t shield Senona from having to field tough questions from the commissioners about the theft of drugs worth hundreds of millions of rand at a police facility a couple of years ago.

The former DA leader agreed not to contest the party’s leadership at its recent congress on the understanding that the party’s new head honcho would allow him to complete his term as agriculture minister in McBuffalo’s cabinet

Hard-pressed by the commissioners and sensing they didn’t believe some of his answers, Senona told them he was turning 60 in under two weeks and wanted to retire from the police service with a reputation for being “an honest person”. And then he added, “Me and lies — we lie parallel.“

A Freudian slip, perhaps?

Tales from a gated estate

Poor John Steenhuisen. The former DA leader agreed not to contest the party’s leadership at its recent congress on the understanding that the party’s new head honcho would allow him to complete his term as agriculture minister in McBuffalo’s cabinet.

But such is the cut-throat nature of politics that he now faces the prospect of being demoted to a deputy ministry. Regular readers of this column would remember that Hogarth nicknamed Steenhuisen after a pop song, John Vul’igate — which loosely translates as “John, open the gate”.

Hogarth therefore loved the headline in our sister newspaper, Sowetan, announcing Steenhuisen’s demotion: “Why the gate closed on John.”