Bobby Jordan goes bats on a weekend at Montagu Guano Cave Resort I have never been fond of guano. Yes, I'm aware of its economic potential, the world's best fertiliser etc, but there must be better ways to grow tomatoes than shovelling it.So I was not overly impressed when my wife booked a chalet at the Montagu Guano Cave Resort. And it didn't help that we arrived in the dead of night. Darkness everywhere - were we in the cave already? - but a camp fire outside our chalet, a few beers, and all was forgiven as the satellites went way up to Mars above our sequestering heads.Morning came gently and with it some welcome discoveries. Not a drop of guano in sight; instead a mind-blowing mountain vista with fynbos foreground. We emerged from a clump of shade trees to find ourselves in a big tourist resort, speckled with kid-friendly attractions such as heated "rock pools" and an impressive animal park featuring all the rural favourites such as horses and ponies. There were jungle gyms and trampolines, fish ponds, dams, and restaurants - just about anything you might need to keep toddlers happy while you try to sneak some adult conversation. For a sleep-deprived city slicker like me, these amenities, which under different circumstances would have seemed out of place beneath the dome sky of the Klein Karoo, were the work of genius.The clincher was a tractor ride to the guano cave itself, a 40-minute journey straight into the mountains along a sandy zig-zag track, all of us hitched behind in bouncy carriages of the kind more commonly associated with the Sea Point promenade. Yet here we were lurching through the Karoo, rocky crags above us and Montagu below.Around a hairpin bend and there it was: at first glance big enough to hide a light aircraft - the Guano Cave. Rocky steps led up to the entrance, where it became evident that this would be no ordinary pile of bat droppings. Faded rock paintings announce an ancient history of habitation that goes back thousands of years - about 20,000 to 50,000, according to one expert. Excavations have unearthed a treasure trove of spear-heads, prompting speculation that the site was once a weapons factory, perhaps one of the first.But it was the inner chambers of this geological anomaly that got farmers excited. Step inside and you soon realise that the cave just keeps going, deeper and deeper via a tunnel that opens up somewhere in the belly of the mountain. It is here your head-torch arcs towards the rustling noise above, to reveal one of the biggest bat colonies you'll ever see. Thousands of them, if not millions, snuggled into a massive slumber party above our heads.My first thought was that I'd finally found somewhere I wouldn't have to worry about mosquitoes. Not that you'd want to linger too long in this subterranean world, where the pitter-patter of falling bat droppings accompanies dank feelings of endless solitude.The cave has survived at least two cataclysmic events, in the form of a relatively recent earthquake and a dynamite explosion courtesy of a previous owner who rearranged the front chamber, possibly to better access the guano.Having survived this tour I can confidently report that this is no ordinary hole in the ground - there is a lot more than guano to recommend this kiddy paradise of bugs, boerewors and bergs.sub_head_start IF YOU GO... sub_head-endGETTING THERE: The farm is situated 5.8km outside Montagu on the R62 to Barrydale - look for the Montagu Guano Cave sign on the right-hand side of the road.RATES: R750 per night for a tented family unit, sleeps four (low season weekend). There is a wide variety of accommodation available, including camping and a caravan park.CONTACT: Call 084-553-4187. Email admin@montaguguanocave.co.za..