Tsamaya: 27 October 2013

KZN clubs humbled after nightmare thrashing

KZN football clubs have gone on their hands and knees to apologise to their king, Goodwill Zwelithini, after a shameful performance last week. Maritzburg United's 1-0 home defeat to SuperSport United was not a great result, but paled in comparison to their provincial homies AmaZulu's 7-1 thrashing by Mamelodi Sundowns and Golden Arrows' 4-0 bashing by Orlando Pirates. Usuthu goalkeeper Tapuwa Kapini has booked an appointment with a psychologist because he can't stop having nightmares about Khama Billiat, Cuthbert Malajila, Katlego Mashego, Dove Wome and Katlego Mphela. Arrows counterpart Siyabonga Mngoma has been visiting a chiropractor, having put out his back with all that needless diving around.

THE Buccaneers' result against Arrows has us convinced that Pirates are made up of 11 men called Chuck Norris. As Bucs faced their first "easy" game after two-and-a-half months of clashes across Africa against TP Mazembe, Al-Ahly, Zamalek, Kaizer Chiefs and Esperance on their way to the Champions League final, they barely bothered to rest players. Then they banged in four goals as if they'd just stepped out of a relaxing weekend at a health spa.

AFTER Downs recorded the biggest win of the season, coach Pitso Mosimane delighted us with his audacity in saying his side had not played that well. The coach might have been trying to instil the fear of god in their future opponents, and if he's right that his terrifyingly good frontline could get better they'd be right to be afraid.

IT never ceases to amaze us that when there is a press conference for a smaller team in the PSL, maybe 10 or 15 journalists turn up, and that's if they are lucky, but when Kaizer Chiefs and Orlando Pirates have a presser there are hundreds of reporters. The Soweto derby conference in Midrand this week had so many new faces Tsamaya had never seen before that we have become convinced that the charlatans among us must be multiplying.

If Brendan Rodgers was earning respect among the Kop for his revival at Liverpool, then he's become a cult figure for cutting arch-enemy Alex Ferguson down to size. The former Man United gaffer's autobiography has Anfield in a fury after saying Steven Gerrard is not a "top, top player". The onion-faced one has never been the master of tact, so whoever put him in front of a keyboard must have been a genius, because this book will sell. No points to Fergie, though, for the originality of his title: the book is called Alex Ferguson: My Autobiography.