Renowned marriage and family counsellor Bakhe Dlamini recently revealed a surprising detail on Facebook about his personal life: he and his wife, Nokwanda, never kissed or engaged in any sexual intimacy during their entire 10-year dating period.
The pair, often referred to as a “power couple,” met in 2001 while in Grade 11 and eventually got married in 2011.
Both are family therapists who host seminars, podcasts and media interviews regarding relationship health. They share three children together.
Here are five reasons why the Dlaminis saved their first kiss for the altar.
1. Avoiding temptations
Dlamini was upfront with Nokwanda from the beginning about his boundaries, though he admitted it wasn’t always easy. After three years of dating without a kiss, Nokwanda — perhaps wondering if there was a lack of attraction — asked for clarification.
“I think she thought there was something wrong with me,” Dlamini recalled. “I told her: ‘There’s too much fire in my veins. If I kiss you, it will lead to sex before marriage.’”
2. Devotion to Christian principles
The couple met at a Student Christian Fellowship in 2001 and remain devout Christians. For Dlamini, avoiding sex before marriage was a matter of faith.
“I knew that the moment I had sex before marriage my ministry would be compromised,” Dlamini said.
3. Respect
Dlamini noted that he felt a deep sense of respect for Nokwanda from the moment they met. Even as “prom mates” in 2002, they refrained from physical intimacy.
“There was just something serious about her; she had that ‘virtuous woman’ quality. I knew she wasn’t someone to mess around with,” he said. “I believed in being a gentleman. I wanted to know her rather than just her body. I wasn’t going to rush her.”
4. Protecting his ministry
Dlamini explained that his calling to the ministry played a big role in his choices. He believes that personal integrity is the backbone of leadership.
Now 15 years into his marriage, he maintains that he has never cheated on his wife. “The fear of God is key. There is a lot of rot even on the pulpit today. Where do people run if we as leaders can’t be trusted?”
5. Prioritising intellectual and visionary connection
Before they ever exchanged “I love yous” in 2003, the couple focused on alignment. At their matric prom, instead of physical romance, they discussed their futures.
“I gave her my vision of where I was headed in life and requested she share hers. We shared our values. No kissing, no fondling — just serious talk, even though we were attracted to each other,” Dlamini explained.
He shared on Facebook that they have no secrets, noting, “My passwords are hers, and hers are mine.”
They also started their life together with a “what’s mine is yours” philosophy, choosing to marry in community of property. Dlamini credits their enduring bond to the fact that they built a friendship first.
“We started with nothing,” he said. “We are still madly in love with each other, and we trust God to carry us daily.”
Would you like to comment on this article?
Sign up (it's quick and free) or sign in now.
Please read our Comment Policy before commenting.